Monday, August 5, 2013

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE HAD A SUCCESSFUL DATE?

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As most of you know, I'm in the dating world.  I suck at it!  Seriously, I do.

As amazing as I think I am as a boyfriend/partner (what have you), I'll openly admit, I'm a bad dater. Following are the four reasons why I know I am not a good dater.


1.  I'm TOO Picky.   This is my first issue.  For some reason, I always seem to select or attract the bad boys and the hot ones.  (I'm sure I'm not the only out there to do this.)

For those particular ones I'm attracted to, with hotness comes an even bigger set of self-esteem issues.  I know my "league," if you will.  And, I do my damnest to stay within my predisposed lines.  I know what I like and I know what I attract, and I am slowly and surely shifting this paradigm because I simply have to.  I think until recently, I was constantly waiting for love/lust at first sight to guide me.  Based on results, look how well that's done for me.  I'm single, 34, and NOT loving it.

That said, I am now looking for love in all the "right" places and with a more inclusive mindset that love grows and evolves.  It might not always begin the first minute you lay eyes on someone.  And with this new thought process, I feel hope in my heart.

SIDENOTE:  It doesn't matter where I meet these guys...in person, on an app, or online, it always seems to go down the exact same.


2.  I'm TOO Honest.  Okay, so when I am on a date and they ask me what I am looking for, I have been answering all wrong, apparently.  I say something to the effect of... "I really want to find a partner, someone who I can share my life with; someone who's going to be a great DAD; someone who I can experience the world with; a good listener; someone who's successful and ambitious; someone who knows who they are; someone who can challenge who I think I am; someone on the same spiritual level with me; someone who wants to go out one night and have an order-in, movie-on-demand night." 

I mean, I don't think that's too much.  Perhaps lead with the date nights and end with the family?  Or just keep the family and dad out of there.  I don't know.  My friends, over this past weekend, schooled me that less is more.  They mean I should say something more along the following lines: "I want someone to hang out with, have a good time, laugh with."  Really?  I think to myself, who doesn't want those things?  Perhaps less is more on that front.  I'm willing to try it.

Bottom line.  I know what I want.  I just don't need to scare the living shit out of someone on the first encounter, right?  I'll do better next time.  Fingers crossed.


3.  I'm TOO Eager.  I used to think that having a three-hour dinner with someone was promising, but now I am not so sure.  Recently, I had a three-hour awesome Tapas dinner with someone.  At the end of the night, he said something like, "I really want to do this again soon!"  Like a 'daft' idiot, I totally believed him.  He said I was better than my pics and exactly like my texts, which I took as a compliment.  The next day, he texted me that, unfortunately, he didn't think we were a "total match".  I don't know what that is, really.  That begged the question, was he lying to me when he said he wanted to do it again OR trying to make me feel better about myself?  Who knows!  I was just plain confused.

Important to Note:  I text these people too much leading up to and/or after the date.  Play hard to get. Usually, the hardest thing for me to do!  It all makes me look TOO eager.  Ugh.


4.  I'm TOO Much.    Most of you know me, so you know that I am a ball of energy, positive (most of the time), and infinitely enthusiastic.  I don't change for anyone...ever.  I might tone it down at times, but even that's exhausting for me.  My energy and zest for life, apparently might turn some people off.  If you think about it though, it's probably a good thing.  If they cannot handle me on a first date, how are they possible going to handle me for the rest of their lives?

This is not necessarily a good or a bad thing.  I believe it's just something to be aware of for the future.


In conclusion, the only way to know if you have had a successful date, is if you both want to have another one.  I mean, I know it's pretty basic, in theory, but it HAS to be mutual... and perhaps even a non-question.

GOOD LUCK to all you daters!  It's a crazy, crazy world.


FINAL THOUGHTS:

1) I write this blog because it's been on the forefront of my mind.  I am smiling from the inside today because I may, just may, have met someone who wants a third or fourth date.  Fingers crossed.  Yay!
2) Take the little lessons I have learned from my own experiences, and apply them to your life accordingly.
3)  Every so often today, take a deep breathe in, and feel grateful for your life.  I had an amazing weekend.  It was actually one of the best I have had in quite a long time.  Thank you to all of you!

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A Smile From The Inside Production :)

1 comment:

  1. My recommendation is to always be yourself. If someone asks you what you're looking for - you tell them and they walk (run) away - they're not for you, no matter what you tell yourself. There's a difference between dating for fun and dating for marriage. And if you're talking about somebody being a great dad, then you're talking marriage or at least a very long-term committed relationship. I think gay man and women must shift their paradigm altogether now because marriage is not a dream it's a reality. And we're going to have to start taking each other a bit more seriously in order to have the life we say we want. So dating, to find the guy that's on the same page as you is by definition, going to tightly subscribe your search. Think, ABC's "The Bachelor". You have to keep the goal in the forefront. If you're goal is to get married, you have to find the right guy who also wants to get married. Otherwise, you just keep attracting the serial dater. And the only way to do that is to stick to your number 1 "problem". Be HONEST with what you want. It doesn't mean you can't have fun with guys along the way, you just can't forget your goal.

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