Okay. Here's some honesty. What scares me more than anything else is my self-doubt. I question myself ALL the time. It's been quite hairy (and not the good Italian hairy) in my life as of late. If it weren't for my book, I really don't know where I would be...probably in a ditch somewhere curled up in the fetal position.
Here are my fears and doubts. It starts with the menial worries. Why have I been consulting over the past two years? Have I wasted time? I'm gonna be stuck filing and scanning FOREVER. I really want to go to Vegas with my friends next weekend. (P.S. For those that don't know, Vegas is literally a four hour jaunt from LA) Then, pretty quickly, it turns into bigger worries. What if I can't find another job? What if this becomes a permanent temp position? Can I live with that? What if no one buys my book and I never write again? I am thirty-four years old, what if I have to move home with my parents? (no offense, Mom and Dad). I should have done this, that, and the other thing. Ugh. Without even thinking, my stomach is in knots and I feel nauseous. It happens on a daily basis. It's a vicious cycle with many downward spirals. And, hopefully, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
The Analyzer in Me:
Here's what I know. I know that it won't always be like this. I know that this is a temporary and poor situation. I know I won't be scanning and filing for the rest of my adult life. I know that sadness is very heavy and taxing. I know that happiness is refreshing and freeing. I know to be grateful for this position as it has been a God send. I full well know that fears, doubts, worries, etc... will NOT bring me to positive places or to the greener side of the pasture. In spite of this knowledge, I still run the same record in my head over and over again. It's very aggravating. It has been quite the cycle over the past few months. My mind races. I get a little sad and then I do NOT attract that which I want in my life at all.
A Couple Simple Solutions:
1) Dream/Vision Board - Two weeks ago, I put a dream/vision board up on one of the walls of my house. Create the board. It can be as elaborate or as simple as you wish. It has everything that I would like in my life from more trips home to see my family and incredible nephew, Miles, to positions for which I have applied/interviewed, to a lovely new keyboard, so I can start singing and writing again. I take about three to five minutes each and every day and review the entire board. No matter what I'm feeling when I commence the exercise, I always leave feeling better, refreshed, and hopeful. Hopeful is the key ingredient. Honestly, I have attracted three new incredible roles for myself, either of which, would be an incredible position for my future. It has helped me tremendously in just a few days. Try it for yourself! The results arrive fast!
2) This past weekend, I met up with a great friend of mine and we chatted for four hours in a row. We talked about the good, the bad, and the ugly. We spoke about our individual disappointments and our self-doubt. He lead me through a quick exercise wherein he wanted me to think of a fight that I had had recently with either my parents or my partner. He asked which three qualities I used to forgive and move on. I chose Compassion, Loving, and Accepting. In other words, in order to collect myself and forgive, I had to be compassionate, loving, and accepting of the other person involved. He then suggested I use those same three qualities on myself when I start going down one of my downward spirals. I have kept that in my back pocket all week long. I'm happy to report that it has helped me tremendously this week and it's only Wednesday. Try it!
Here's the exercise:
1) Think about a recent time when you forgave someone and moved on.
2) What three qualities of being did you possess in order to do that?
3) Now, repeat those qualities five times out loud.
4) Next time you are feeling disappointed our self-doubt, remind yourself of those same three qualities.
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1) The first physical copy of "How I Learned To Smile From The Inside" (pic at the top) arrived at my house yesterday. I don't even know how to feel right now. It's really really amazing!
2) The Social Media Countdown for my book will officially start next Wednesday. I will have a clear idea of when the book will be available on my website and Amazon.
3) I am in complete gratitude to all of my friends, acquaintances, etc...for all of your support over the past year and especially the last few months.
4) Try one or two of the exercises above. I guarantee they will work quickly! Afterward, tell me about it!
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A Smile From The Inside Production :)