Wednesday, November 14, 2012

HOW TO SLAUGHTER YOUR CHICKEN - PART TWO




How to Slaughter Your Chicken -- Part Two

I know you guys have been dying to read Part Two of the Slaughter.  Craziness, right?

I caused quite a stir amongst my friends and family this past week.  People have either a greater respect for me or they think I'm nuts and a killer.  For those of you who believe I am ungrateful or did not think me serious about the whole situation, I must assure you that is incorrect.  Ahem...soap box please!  We had been planning this event for four months.  I do not take what I did lightly in any way, shape, or form.  As I said in my email last week, I am grateful for the 10,000 chickens I've eaten prior to this event and for the 20,000 chickens I will eat after this event.  I do not make light of what happened last week.  It wasn't easy for me...at all.


And for those that question if perhaps I've gone a little off topic and how does slaughtering a chicken possibly relate to a Smile From The Inside lifestyle, I would say the following.  Living a Smile From The Inside life is about hope, love, inspiration, and it's about being in gratitude.  This blog also happens to be about me and sometimes I do crazy or unique things which I want to share with you.  It's a commentary on how I live my life and how well I handle certain situations.  It's been a riot, don't you think?

Lastly, I would like to point out that if we all asked our grandparents and great-grand parents (if they are still around) whether they had either witnessed a slaughter or slaughtered a chicken in their day, I bet the answer would be a resounding yes.  Further, if you leave the country and travel to anywhere south of Texas, and asked that same question, they would simply laugh...and say, "You Americans!!!"  In fact, they would probably be curious as to "how" you slaughtered the chicken, right?


Step 1:  Prepare
Step 2:  Slaughter
Step 3:  De-Plume Your Chicken

Secure some strong rope and hang it from a tree or strong tree branch.  The rope serves so you can tie up the chicken while removing all of her feathers.  Prior to tying the chicken up by just one leg, dip the hen in the HUGE pot of scolding hot water.  Be careful not to burn yourself, but you need to make sure the entire chicken is submerged and absorbs water everywhere.  You might think this easy -- not the case.  From there, you just start plucking.  It feels weird at first, but you'll get used to it right quick.  The last and very important step is, after you have de-plumed your entire chicken, you must singe the skin for random feathers/hairs.  Trust me, that are not tasty at all.  You can use a creme-bruler torch.  That's what we used.  :)





Step 4:  De-Gut your Chicken
This part, although you would think to be disgusting and nasty, was actually informative and captivating.  Adam, for those that don't know, is a physician.  Therefore, as he was dissecting the incredible "Butterball," he was explaining the anatomy and physiology of the bird, with an insane amount of detail, AND he was also spouting what I can only refer to as a comparative analysis between the human species, bird species, and transient beings at large.  It was very very cool.  Even though he had only watched the video of how to remove the entire digestive track in one "fowl" swoop (pun intended), he was a pro!  Be gentle with your chicken's insides.  You don't want a mess and you don't want anything to spill on any of the "good/edible" parts.  The goal is remove their innards all at once.  Good luck!

Step 5:  Clean/Prepare your Chicken for Dinner

After the de-pluming and the de-gutting, it was now time to clean off the bird.  She was a mess at this point.  To me, at this point, she now appeared to be a small whole organic chicken that you would purchase at Whole Foods.  I washed her in lukewarm water for about ten minutes.  It doesn't necessarily need to be that long, but I felt she was really really dirty.  We had purchased another organic chicken from Whole Foods, which was indeed thrice her size, which makes me really wonder what the hell they are injecting into those hens.  Anyway...I followed a recipe by Martha Stewart -- her Double Roasted Chicken.  Basically, coat the inside and outside with loads of organic butter, use salt and pepper sparingly, and every herb you can find in your herb garden, which was precisely what we did.  



In addition, I made my own stuffing from scratch and enthusiastically stuffed "Butterball," as well as the other organic steroidal-induced chicken.  Wouldn't you know there was even enough to make a blanket between both chickens inside the pan itself.  It turned out delicious!  The key to an amazing stuffing is securing day old French bread, cutting the whole loaf into small cubes, and then toasting them for about 5-7 minutes in the oven.  Add onions, celery, carrots, raisins (if you like 'em...i don't), turnips, and sweet potatoes, along with a bunch of herbs, some butter, garlic, salt and pepper...and voila.  There you have it!

Lastly, don't forget to invite some fabulous friends, make some fabulous dishes, and ENJOY.  Since we are gay and do things a little bit fancier than others, don't be afraid to ask your fab guests to bring specific wines, Astis, or whatever you so desire to have in your house for next time or a special occasion.  In all honesty, it was a bit challenging to eat "Butterball," but her meat was delicious!  I just couldn't eat her skin, but Maggie, was more than willing to eat any and all parts of her.

THE END.  Okay.  Now, I'll stop with the chicken slaughtering.  You have my word.


FINAL THOUGHTS:
1)  I cannot tell you what a sigh of relief I feel now that Obama has been re-elected.  Now, I just hope he gets a TON done.  Can I get an Amen up in here???
2)  P.S.  I have only had chicken about three to four times since that frightful day, and it's official, I can no longer eat chicken skin.  For whatever reason that may be, I just cannot do it.
3)  Keep your fingers crossed...there are some good opportunities on the horizon for me!!!
4)  Update on my manuscript, How I Learned To Smile From The Inside.  It's going well!  Working on last and final edits in the up-coming week.  I am preparing my soundbytes and my PR-ready questions.  It looks like it could be available within the next six weeks.
5)  I wanted to take a moment to thank each and every one of you for sticking with me and my blog.  I am proud to report that since February 15 (essentially), i have had over 7,500 unique hits.  (Who knows what that really means?)...but it sounds great, right?  Doesn't it?  Thanks to you all!
6)  I cannot wait for next week.  Thanksgiving is my absolute favorite holiday EVER!


ButterBall is on the right

A Smile From The Inside Production  :)

1 comment:

  1. I have to say that I was surprised by some of the comments you received on your last post. It amazes me that people have no problem eating animals, but find it reprehensible to kill one. Animals are slaughtered every day to be on people's dinner tables. These animals are slaughtered in a much less humane way, after living a terrible "life," being fed complete crap, having their beaks chopped off, and being bred to be completely unrecognizable as an actual chicken other than the feathers. Yet, somehow what you did was wrong? I would MUCH rather consume a chicken that was humanely, fed good feed, and slaughtered by someone who actually cared, than one from J. Random Grocery Store. If you think it's terrible to kill an animal, you shouldn't be eating meat.

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