Thursday, May 24, 2012

JUST ANOTHER DAY IN MY FAB GAY LIFE!!!

WELCOME!

My apologies for not getting this out yesterday.  I like to be consistent and dependable, as my word is everything to me.  Newsflash:  Everyone in my house is sick.  I am sick as a dog.  My Frenchie, Maggie, is throwing up too.  And to top it all off, as i'm writing this, i might have a dying hen in my other hand.  I guess for the past 10 months of owning chickens, we have been very lucky to avoid any type of disease or ailment.  That's why when one of our little hens was acting a bit stoned and her tail was droopy, i knew immediately that something was wrong.  It appears that our little hen, Griselda, has a common and usually fatal disease called Eggbinding.  Jeez'...the things you learn about chickens.  Crazy!!!  Anyway...it means that an egg is stuck in there - somewhere.   I don't pretend to know what i'm talking about.  All i can tell you is that I have seen more puckering chicken reproductive parts today than i ever wanted to see or feel...IN MY LIFE.  See pic below:

Griselda Eggbound
It appears that Griselda's "vent"...that's what the hole is called from which she lays the egg is inflamed, irritated, and that egg, for whatever reason, just doesn't want to come out.  I was always amazed how such a small creature could lay a Grade A Small Egg. Anyway...after giving her a shot of Chicken-Penicillin and lubing her vent with olive oil, (seriously?), one is supposed to separate her from the flock.  We brought her to the other side of the fence, away from the goats, and she didn't move an inch for over an hour.  The second treatment is to give her a sort of booty-bath.  I kid you not.  You must keep her lower half submerged in the very warm water for 20 minutes, which was not easy for the first 10 minutes, but eventually she calmed down.  The poor thing was respirating so heavily, we both thought she was on her way out.  The reason for the warm water booty-bath, in case you don't know, is to loosen up everything down there.

Then, comes the dilemma of drying her. Apparently, one can't use a blowdryer (my first brilliant though), as she will molt, and unfortunately could lose a bunch of feathers.  So, for 75 minutes, Griselda had been wrapped in 3 separate towels underneath my arm pit.  I just moved her to the floor where Maggie is actually laying beside her to protect.  Finally, Griselda has laid down amidst the comfort of the warm, dry towels, and I gotta be honest, her "vent" is puckering.  It's kinda gross...but I do believe it's a good thing.  It definitely was not puckering earlier.  In addition, her breathing has returned to normal.  I think the worst is over, now I just have to get her to drink some water and hand-feed her some dried WORMS.  Oh yes, they LOVE the dried worms more than chicken scratch, which is just like "candy" to them or so i've been told by other heirloom poultry enthusiasts.

How the fuck is this my life?  I never thought i would have chickens, although, truth be told, i secretly have always wanted a horse farm, so it's not THAT far off, right?  Every minute that goes by, it appears that she is waking up more and more...LAY an egg allrighty!!!  I will update you next week on Griselda.  I have full faith that she will lay an egg and make an extremely expeditious recovery.  Of course, Penicillin always helps.  Quick side note...it's not that easy to force a chicken to drink anything...it spilled over me a bit.  I freaked out, given that i am beyond allergic to it.  LOL.  i haven't blown up like the Pillsbury Dough boy yet, so i think i'm in the clear.

I'm keeping things short and sweet this week.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

1) Be very grateful for your health.  You need that!
2) I really think Jessica Sanchez was ROBBED last night on American Idol.  I have faith that like so many other runner ups, she will outshine him by millions!!!
3) Dream big because you never know what you can make happen!
4) Encourage a complete stranger to SMILE over the next few days.  It feels so good.  And then, make it a habit.
5) It could always be worse...you could feel and look like this...
Here's me at my absolute best!!!
Have an amazing week, bitches!
Until next time!  
Seth.

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