Wednesday, March 14, 2012




Today, I got an HIV test in West Hollywood.  Of course, the sexiest guy possible lead me into a room where he proceeded to ask a LOT of questions.  Why do i always get the totally sexy guy?   He always appears sympathetic and genuine while in the room with me, but i know he inevitably thinks i'm a slutbag whore no matter what my story is...even if it is the truth.  I always go into the room with plans to make up a great hawt story of reckless behavior, but unfortunately can never pull it off.  Apparently, he relayed to me that the results come back in less than 20 minutes.   OK.  so, what do i do now?  You leave the room and your mind starts to panic.  Waiting those 20 minutes can be quite brutal, especially if you might have reason to believe anything other than I'm negative, i'm negative, i'm negative.  AND, having an ex-boyfriend who seroconverted while in a relationship of 2 years in the not-so-distant past, makes me a bit hypersensitive than perhaps others would be.  Duh! 

So...i walk over and pick up my dry cleaning.  What?  It was right next door...and I needed to occupy my mind by completing a physical task.  (perhaps that is an OCDism).  I prayed that there would be a long line to keep me occupied, that they would have made a tiny mistake, or anything so that i would have to wait a bit longer.  Nope.  No line.  Nothing wrong.  Only 7 minutes, i think to myself...that fucking sucks.

Naturally, to pass the time, i walked into the Circus of Books porn/book/magazine shop, on the other side of the HIV testing clinic, where there is actually a 15-minute maximum limit of browsing for all of the dirty magazines.  I love it!   What felt to me like 20 minutes in there was really only 8 more minutes.  Are you fucking kidding me?  I still have to wait!!! 

Lastly, with 5 painstaking minutes left, i return to the testing site, sit down.  For some reason, i just could not look at my phone...i know it sounds weird, but i just couldn't concentrate on anything other than my clean clothes and dirty magazines.  LOL.

The next thing i know the sexy guy returns and asks me into his office. (I guess my OCD, extremely  active inner dialogue, and thoughts took up the 5 final minutes of torture.)  Upon entering the room, I have that awkward moment does he shut the door, or do i?  He ended up closing the door.  Thank God, he got right to it.  I don't know why...but i just forgot to breathe for a minute.  When he told me my results, i felt myself finally take a breathe in.  Wow!  It's over.  Thank God.  I don't have to wait anymore.  I guess those 20 minutes wasn't quite so bad.  Of course, I babbled a bit, may have mentioned my blog to him (LOL) and flirted with him - a bit more - prior to leaving, as he now thinks i'm not the quite the slutbag whore he thought i was initially, and he could have even been interested in the cute young non-dirty/dirty boy.  Too bad, i'm taken and madlessly in love with someone else.  LOL.

Btw, i'm negative.  

Question for everyone out there: Is it nerve-wracking for everyone?  Gays?  Straights?  Trannies?   What about my lesbians out there?  My bet is not as much for lesbians!!!  Let me know.  I'm very very interested.

What i really want to say here is life gets so serious at times.  In a world where in 24 hours, 5 states including Maine, send Gay-Marriage to the ballot, Pennsylviania government pulls a very anti-same sex marriage amendment from consideration, Gillian Anderson comes out as bisexual (i knew it!  Thank you, Towleroad!), and Man Vs. Wild star Bear Grylls gets the axe from the Discovery Channel, we all need to laugh more.  In fact, we need to laugh so hard our belly aches or we start crying.  Those are the best laughs of all.  Are they not?

Morals of the Story...
1) Don't wait too long between HIV tests; 
2) Don't partake in reckless behaviors...even if drugs are involved.
3) Laugh until you cry or your belly aches!!!
4) If you like my blog, tell everyone.  If you hate my blog, tell no one.

If you do enjoy my blog...let people know or join my google group:  




  1. I've had a total of six HIV tests in my life. I've been offered one each time my pregnancies make it to 16 weeks. I don't think I've ever been overly concerned about the results. I consent to the test because they already have my blood for another test, so there's really no point in saying no, don't test it for HIV. Then again, I've never had sex with someone who had had sex with someone other than me, I've never had a blood transfusion, and, as far as I know, I've never been in contact with the blood of someone who is HIV positive. However, it's that "as far as I know..." that keeps me consenting to those tests because I figure it's better to be tested and have it come back negative, than not be tested at all. Of course, there's always the brief thought of, "What if it comes back positive?" but it's a fleeting thought without a whole lot of concern behind it.

    It always takes over a week to get my results back. 20 minutes is awesome!

    1. 20 minutes is fast. Thanks for your opinion and overwhelming support on this project. lots of love.